him & her VI: dating

H E R

Listen, we all wish we could be the Beyoncé of dating. Some people date like it's their job — and they are the boss. They've got their conversations down and know all the right questions to ask. They know how to approach that uncomfortable point when the check comes, and they successfully end the date without the awkward hug/kiss on the cheek situation.

They make dating look easy. But, there's some of us out there that hate every single thing about dating. We're not confident in what topics to bring up, we worry about what to say, what to wear, and basically, we are all nerves the whole time. For those of you out there who can relate, I say, practice makes perfect. It's just like any fear. The more you actually do the thing you're scared of, the more confident you will feel as time goes on.

First dates can be exciting, yet nerve-racking. You're putting yourself out there, and that can be scary. I am not an expert, but here are some tips to get you through those awkward times:

DRESS TO IMPRESS

Dressing for a first date usually ends up with you trying on countless outfits and all of your clothes on the floor. The problem is that you’re trying to dress for your date, instead of dressing for yourself. Be sure to wear what makes you feel most confident. Your date isn’t going to notice if you’ve worn that outfit a thousand times before, or when it was in style. 

HONESTY HOUR

Be honest on a first date. If you are having the best date of your life, then say it. On the other hand, if you aren’t into your date, you don’t need to crush his or her dreams by being saying, “I don’t like you.” But, you definitely do not need to say, “I had a great time. Let’s do this again sometime.” A simple “Thank you” will suffice. And if your date asks you out again, you can be polite and truthful.

MANNERS

Everyone loves manners, and so does your date. Sometimes we get caught up in life and we forget the little things — like, “Please” and “Thank you.” I know they seem small, but the devil is in the details. People notice when someone has manners and when they don’t. If you want to stay in your date’s mind, mind your manners.

BE YOU

I cannot stress this enough. Be you. This is your one opportunity to show the other person who you are. You are unique and special and your date wants to see that. So instead of saying what you think your date would like to hear, say what you truly feel instead. If you’re weird, be weird. If you’re serious, be serious. Don’t play a part that you’re not — nobody likes a bad actor.

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION

When it comes to where the date will be, be sure to choose whatever makes you feel most comfortable. I think this is the thing that stressed me out the most about first dates, because a good conversation is pretty dependent on the environment. If you're yelling at each other over loud music at a restaurant things get weird.

EAT

It can be intimidating to get down with a big meal in front of a person for the first time. I get it. But ordering a salad because you don’t want to make a fool of yourself is just plain silly. Unless you actually love salads, in which case, you should order that caesar salad.

GOODBYE PHONE

Sometimes on a good date (even more-so if it’s a bad one), your mind starts to wander. But no matter what you do or think, keep that phone in that purse. It’s awfully rude to pull out your phone on a date and look through it — unless, of course, you’re showing those cute photos of your dog! And don’t even think about putting your phone out on the table. Your date will appreciate that you’re in the moment.

DON'T DUMP

When a person reveals too much too soon, it can give a false sense of intimacy. In reality, premature or exaggerated revelations are due more to boundary issues, unresolved pain, or self-centeredness than true intimacy.

BE GENUINE 

Maybe your first date questions will lead you to discover that this person is your soul mate-or maybe not. Either way, it's exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you're with and paying close attention to what he/she says. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information.

SHUT UP & LISTEN

Some people consider themselves skilled communicators, because they can talk endlessly. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. The best communication occurs with an even and equal exchange between two people.

H I M

Dating. One of the most popular topics in a teenager and adult life, for single people anyway. Before I get into my thoughts on this matter, I want you all to know that I love my wife so much. All the dating and stupid things I did prepared me to be ready to meet Hannah, court her, and eventually marry her. The best decision I ever made was asking Hannah out on a date. Life has only gotten better with her in it. That is why I want to talk about dating and my thoughts on what makes a date good or bad, fun or awkward and so on. Overall, all these things give you experience and help you to find out what you are really looking for. I want to dive into some of the things I think when I used to take a girl out.

First off, if I know the date is going to require some type of clothing, I will let my date know with plenty of time to spare. I can't imagine being a girl, getting all dressed up only to find out that you are going to an ice cave. That girl would probably be annoyed. So it is the guys job to make sure he prepares his date for the type of activity they will be doing. A girl will always want to look pretty and done up, which is awesome, but if you can save her from ruining a nice shirt you will earn brownie points.

On that note, girls need to be excited about the date idea. I have been on plenty of dates where I spent the week coming up with this fun, creative date and when I tell her, she complains or looks annoyed that we are doing whatever I came up with. There is nothing worse than the awkward feeling when you know your date is not having fun, but you don't know how to change it. So ladies, be grateful and remember, this guy is taking you out, spending his money and planning a date to try and impress you. Give him the common courtesy of acting excited about whatever it is. Plus, telling your date when he picks you up, "Oh by the way, I have to be back at 8 to help my friend with his proposal" and it is 7 pm is not cool...Don't do that.

Along with the idea of girls being excited regardless of the activity, be open to change. I think this works great for guys and girls. Weather or weird situations may mess up your original plans, but be optimistic and go with the flow. Having a positive attitude will help your date feel comfortable and see that you are down for whatever. Being able to change plans on a dime also shows confidence and adventure, so don't worry if plans get off course, just make it fun!

Another important aspect of dating. Who pays? I have grown up knowing that you would have to be an idiot if you expected a girl to pay for her meal if you asked her out. But I have also been on dates where the girl has asked me, planned it and paid. So just make sure you know the context of your date and always error on the side that you, THE BOY, should be paying. If the girl reaches for her wallet, make sure to let her know you have it. Now, if you are the girl, DO NOT keep trying to pay and nag about it, if you feel incline to offer once and he says he will get it, then he will! Put your purse down and say thank you.
But here is a quick plug for all those girls that know they are pretty, go on lots of dates and then breag to their roommates about how they never have to buy food because they are always on dates. We know you exist and you are easier to pick out than you may think, so be grateful and genuine. It will pay off if you do.

There are so many do's and dont's to dating. These above are just some of the main ones I think of when it comes to dating and how it show work. You do not have to take my word for it, but I am 26 and just got married, which mean I did the dating thing for a long time. So I might kind of know what I am talking about. I have loved my time dating in Idaho. We always had a lot of fun ideas we did and if you are adventurous and creative enough, you won't have to rely on going to The Craze and playing laser tag every Friday night with a different girl.

Here are some of my favorite date ideas here in Rexburg, the clutch ones that you knew would be a success:

DATE IDEAS

1. Take your date out to R Mountain and shoot guns.

2. Take your date to dinner and then take her up to the hills for a little bonfire action.

3. Go off-roading.

4. Sneak onto the city golf course at night and play golf.

5. A nice dinner in Idaho Falls is always a winner.

6. Picnic and water color painting.

7. Drive-in Movies.

8. Hockey game in Jackson.

9. Teton Thai in Driggs.

10. Depending on the season: go to a Chuckars game, Kelly Canyon, or the Idaho Falls Zoo.