him & her XXVII: double trouble

H E R :

People always ask me "What's it like being a twin?"

How do you answer that question? Being a twin is just part of who I am. That would be like asking someone what’s like being a girl? Or do you like NOT being a twin?

I have grown up with these questions my entire life. I think what people need to know is that twins are not just clones of each and they're not just regular siblings that look more alike.

Despite having the same genetic makeup, identical twins have their own distinctive personalities. Who we are behaviorally and physically depends on a number of factors.

Being born with a near ideal companion means that you get a good experience of what true companionship can be like, very early on.

For the early years this is mostly a positive experience as you've always got someone to play with and keep you company. Especially in relationships between identical twins, having a person that is so much like you, in tastes, preferences and thinking, means that it seems like they're actually able to read your mind.

My twin sister and I have thought many times that we had twin telepathy.

This early experience tends to mean that you can set very high, if not unachievable, expectations on partners and friends. Mostly you expect them to just know what you want or need. After all your twin always has a pretty good idea without you having to say anything.

As people we want our partners and friends to know what we want or need in any situation. Twins are the same way.

Some twins attempt to avoid the constant comparison by magnifying their differences - both physical and personal. They might change their look or follow different trends specifically to be different. 
They might pursue other interests so that they're not in direct competition over their talents and skills. Each twin will specialize in 'their own' areas so people will see how different they are.

Sometimes these divisions even extend to dividing up emotions.

Identical twin relationships generally seem to fall into three main categories:

1. Extremely close twins who may live together all their lives (and often have a difficult time allowing other people into the twin sphere).
2. Moderately close twins who have managed a closeness without too much 'control' of one another's lives.
3. Distant twins (who have found the twin relationship unmanageable) and have become, often completely, estranged from one another.

I think the 'most healthy' psychologically are the twins in category two who have managed to keep a high level of closeness with their twin but also found happiness and relationships elsewhere.

My twin sister and I have always been best friends. 

Sure we have struggled along the way with being compared, issues with companionships, and identity cresses, but I completely believe that the positives about being a twin have outweighed the negatives.

We have grown up with each other by our sides for every major memory in our lives.

In April 2015 we shared one more important memory. A wedding. We had a double wedding with my twin and her husband. This may sound crazy to most people. And I think my mom is still tired from planning the whole thing, but it was worth it.

It was difficult at times to share some things, but in the end it was such a blessing to be able to share the most important day of our lives.

H I M :

I had never thought about what it would be like to date a twin and eventually marry one. That isn’t something people really think about, it just kind of happened. At first I thought dating Hannah would be a little weird giving that she had an identical twin.

People always asked if I mixed them up. But as I got to know them both, it was pretty easy to know the differences. Hannah and Chandler are very similar and yes look close to the same, but they are very different. It has been fun to be a part of.

Having Tanner and Chandler so close to us has been awesome. Tanner and I can often relate when our wives get a little too dramatic. We help each other. Haha. But our relationship as a group is fun and it is nice knowing we will always have each other.

When we first decided to have a double wedding reception I thought it might be weird, but it wasn't it.  Chan and Tan got married on a Friday, us on a Saturday, and a joint reception on Saturday night. To the outside world that might look pretty weird, but it just seems normal to me. 

The planning behind it was a little hectic, usually you just have two families involved, this wedding had three, but I think it all came together really nicely. 

The wedding week was a marathon, we literally had a booklet made with an itinerary for everyone. Rehearsal dinners, bachelor, and bachelorette parties, decorating, prep, food, it was all pretty amazing that it all came together so seamlessly. 

I know I wouldn't trade our double wedding for anything. How many people get to say they did something like that?

At the end of the day, being married to a twin is all I know, so it seems pretty normal and amazing all at once. I love my wife and I have a lot of respect for her parents for raising twins.